in case anybody wondered - heaven is real.

at least it is if you are at heart a baby who needs the love and control of a mommy and daddy! who would have thought that heaven was in denver, colorado? though the beautiful blue skies, warm sun, and snow-capped mountains certainly should have been clues.

omg! mommy kat and daddy will are the most genuine, loving mommy and daddy in the world (i mean heaven)! their eyes light up, they get excited, they laugh, they kiss. not a hint of an act. not a hint. they are so into each other and so into this for the fun of it and the sense of mission to those of us craving love and control. hearing them tell how they take nearly every dollar they get to restock the nursery, or buy new baby clothes, or new 'equipment' is almost maddening because you want to scream "don't you have to live too?"

but actually you don't want to scream at mommy and daddy -- no. as mommy would say "good luck with that" or "and how did that work out for you?" as much as they love fun, fun, and more fun, mommy and daddy believe in well-disciplined -- let me repeat, well-disciplined -- little babies.

their love of what they do is most tangibly evident in the nursery. omg! i thought it looked cute and inviting from the pictures and videos i had seen on the website, but the pictures can't do it justice! it's a spacious, sun-lit, interestingly shaped, pink and blue room filled with the sounds of bird-chatter outside, toys, books, child-oriented posters and signs, painted rainbows and clouds, cozy carpet, closets full of baby clothes and diapers, and baby furniture that comfortably holds me (one of the bigger babies on this planet).

one of the most awesome experiences i had was waking up in the nursery crib in my onesie and wet diaper. i knew i wasn't pretending anymore. whether i loved it or not (i loved it), i was unquestionably a baby. and you know how babies cry when they wake up, wanting mommy and daddy? i sadly don't cry in life, but after spending the previous day with them, i felt that same desperate longing for them to pop into the nursery with their sunny smiles, change me into something dry, and feed me breakfast. (and that's what mommy did!)

that wet diaper? i truly had no choice. even if i had wanted to be 'bad' and slip off in the night to the big boy potty, mommy had ensured that i would wet myself by tethering an ankle to the crib and filling me up with liquids before kissing me goodnight. which shows you the mixture of love and fun naughty mommy and daddy are full of (though they'll tone down the fun naughty part if you want the pure baby experience).

and the food! mommy loves to cook for her babies and it shows. so much of it too! and oh so messy if the baby in you thinks of food as far more fun than nutritional. again, if you want to stop pretending to be a baby and find yourself transported back into your first years, sit in a big high-chair, with a baby apron, and eat/play with mommy's food. i thought it was going to be mostly humiliating, which i kind of like too, but it instead turned out to be incredibly fun and liberating!! and mommy just smiles her big smile as you play and gets out her baby wipes when you are done.

and then there was bath times, ice cream time (!), diaper changes, playing with toys and baby loni (an incredibly wonderful adult baby), kiddy movie times, bed-time and nap-time story times, the swats on the diapered behind when misbehaving time (remember, well-disciplined babies), etc. but i want to move on to the "other" side of mommy and daddy (if you want it): the fun evil side. who would think such evil and naughtiness exist in such loving people? but those eyes definitely twinkle just as brightly when they are having fun at 'your expense' as they do when loving you as a baby.

for example: if you have a strong sub nature like i do, you've probably day-dreamed about being in a room full of dominants who can do whatever they want with you. guess what mommy did? she invited a lot of her friends over for a party. and guess what she told her friends? "this is my diapered sub. as my guests tonight, you are welcome to do whatever you want with him. want to spank him? go to it. your toe-nails need polishing or need a massage? he is at your service. want to ... well, i will let you fill in your own fantasies, because just about anything that was relatively safe was permitted and pretty much happened. just try to keep the nail polish 'in the lines' while beautiful women are spanking you and amusing each other around you.

and of course mommy being mommy (though i think it was daddy's idea) decided it would be fun to keep the grown-up baby very, very hydrated. so baby had to continuously drink from his baby bottle and respectfully ask a dominant woman to refill it for him whenever it was empty. and when the 'pressure' became too much, he had to say in a big strong voice to get over the din: "attention everyone. i have an announcement to make. i am going to wet my diaper ... now." of course, having to pee so badly and my mind overcome with humiliation, i couldn't get it right and had to try over and over again. and even after i finally got it right, i didn't necessarily 'get' to wet my diaper 'now' - rather the question was first put to an extended debate among the women. when the consensus was to let the 'baby' wet his diaper, then all eyes would fixate on the baby. after letting him stew in his wet diaper for awhile, baby was hoisted onto a table, everyone gathered around and watched the 'baby' get changed, and even 'helped'.

would it scare you away if i told you that was one of only a dozen or so times mommy and daddy let their evil sides out? then i won't go on to tell you about the constant tease and denial (set up by multi-day forced abstinence and stimulation even before arriving), the frequent spankings, mommy's friend 'thor' who resembles a powerful rubber band gun for a very good reason, mommy's fondness for tender bottoms, the multiple ways mommy and daddy found to disabuse me of the notion that i was male, etc. yes, far too scary to put on the internet.

i sit here the day after and many hundreds of miles away longing for my mommy and daddy. i'm still filled with the overpowering sense of love and gratitude for them i felt throughout my stay. i want to again feel their love, look into their dancing eyes, be cared for, and be vulnerable to their naughty antics.

guess what though?? i will.

Mommy Kat,

So many things to say about our playdate. First off let me start by saying that you looked so innocent yesterday, and seeing you dressed like that and knowing you have a dark side was such a turn on. ( you looked so hot in your purple skirt) I would again like to thank you for your offer to let me have things shipped to you house. I will email you and let you know I would like to get something and then wait for you to say it's all right before I order. I cant even begin to tell you how touched I was when we talked about my finances. I consider myself a strong person but your concern almost made cry. I will treasure the Diapered Kitten calendar always, you look so hot in all your photos. ( I almost said you looked cute, and I know you don’t like being called cute) I had a wonderful time and I will do as you ask and cut back on the gifts. I just want you to know how special you make me feel, and I want you to feel that way too.

On to play date, Cloth diapers "ROCK" They're so big and bulky and feel real good between my legs and so very soft, but I wasn't sure if i should have wet them or not. If your going to make me wear them on sunday let me know if it's all right wet them. I have a new happy place. In your crib, you next to me feeding me a bottle while softly stroking my face. Thank you for that. I felt so safe and loved.

I had a great time trying on the pretty dresses and cant wait until sunday to spend some time in the one we picked out. It's so pretty and felt so good on me. As for the spanking. So, so very HOT, as you could tell the condition it left me in. I liked both thuddy and stingy, and if you feel comfortable with it you can go more evil on my cute butt and really make it red and warm.

Thanks again for the great day and I really enjoyed just talking to you too. I will see you on sunday, I'm so excited ( and so very very nervous) I cant wait to meet daddy, I just hope he likes me too, I'm kind of scared. Oh and in case your wondering I was a very naughty, naughty, naughty little slut today, and wore that thick diaper and panties for my entire 11 hour shift. By the time I got home I was so wet, it felt like I had a twenty pound weight hanging around my waist. I was in a very bad state, I spent most of the night totally aroused and was actually in pain by the time I got home. (my balls hurt) I had to take care of myself before I could even get to sleep.

I can’t wait until our next play date on Wednesday. Remember what we talked about just before I left? You’re in total charge. Be as bad and evil as you want to be. I'm giving you my permission. And promise that if things go too far I'll use the safe words. You can do anything your heart desires. I'm a little nervous but feel safe trying new experiences with you.

My Visit to Mommy Kat

I called mommy on the cell phone as soon as my airplane landed at the airport. She was really happy to hear from me and said she would be there in a minute. She asked if I had my bear with me and I said I did have Humphrie bear with me and she would see him soon. So I waited outside by the cars and waited and hugged Humphrie. Soon I saw Mommy and Daddy in their silver car. Mommy came out and hugged me and daddy put my bags in the trunk. Mommy led me by the hand into the back seat and made sure the seatbelt was fastened. Soon we were on our way. Mommy immediately told me she had something for me and put a pacifier in my mouth (which I loved as I needed a paci) she also gave me some toddler snacks.

We talked in the car and Mommy told me what she had planned for the visit. She took great care of me and tickled me and told me how she was happy that I came. Even though we never met before it felt so natural. I couldn’t wait to get to Mommy’s house ‘cause I’d seen the nursery on the internet and Mommy told m she bought me some presents. When we got to the house mommy unbuckled me and led me into the house where as soon as we go in a big brown doggie came to say hello. I was a little scared and mommy and daddy made sure I was ok and told me the doggie was a puppy and his name was Squishy Chocolate. I thought that was funny and petted him and he was nice. Well the next thing was mommy led me up some stairs to the nursery.

Wow I couldn’t believe all the stuffed animals that were there. I wanted to play on the floor but mommy said it was time to take my big boy clothes off and change my diaper. So mommy went in to my suitcase and looked at all the clothes in there. She said that I had some really cute clothes and she picked out my teddy bear onesie to put me in. She then took off all my clothes leaving just a diaper on, and led me over to the changing table. Mommy then took off my wet diaper and put me in a dry one. She was so sweet and nice and made me very happy, and, when she was done she kissed my tummy and blew a raspberry which made me giggle and feel wonderful.

Mommy then let me open one of the presents, there was three wrapped presents and a ball for me. I was so excited. There was so much to see in the nursery. I really wanted to play but mommy told me that it was time for dinner. So she led me downstairs and helped me into the highchair. She carefully buckled me in and put my bib on. Then daddy put the tray on and gave me a bottle of juice and some little snacks while mommy finished cooking. She first fed me some peas and some little star cereals and it was nummy. Then she brought a little plate with some dinosaur chicken nuggets and ketchup. I made huge mess on the tray and on my face. Mommy put some baby Einstein on the TV too while she and daddy ate supper too.

After some playtime and watching Dumbo on TV it was time for my bath. Mommy led me into the nursery and took all my clothes off, then she led me to the bathtub which was full of bubbles. There was some duckies to play with and Mommy washed me all over. It was lots of fun. Soon it was time to get out and mommy wrapped me in a big fluffy towel. Then a squeeky clean and naked baby got to go back to the nursery. I started playing with all the animals and toys while mommy caught me and rubbed some baby oil all over to make sure my skin didn’t dry out in the winter air. Once again it was up on the changing table for a nighttime diaper and pjs.

After some more playing it was time for night night. Mommy got me in to the crib and gave me a bottle of formula and told me that she would read me some bed time stories. She read me lots of stories including one about a pigeon and one about Harold and a purple crayon and good night moon and another book that I forgot. Mommy was a really good story reader and made all the stories really fun. When all the stories were done Mommy wound up the mobile on the crib (which had giraffes on it; mommy loves giraffes) and kissed me goodnight. I felt so loved, and little, and cared for . . . I was the happiest baby in the whole wide world (thank you mommy!).

I don’t know but I think I slept a long time and woke up in the morning when it was light out. Mommy left a bottle in the crib which was good ‘cause I was thirsty when I woke up. I wanted mommy to come so I fussed and cried for a little while. She didn’t come in so I started playing with Humphrie, and Howard and Bennet, and Bunny and the rest of the crib toys. Soon I fell asleep again. As I was waking up again I heard mommy come in. Soon I could see her smile and she came over and said “Good morning baby!” She put the side of the crib down and gave me a hug and kiss while checking my diaper, which was very wet.

After a diaper change, it was time for breakfast in the highchair eating some yummy pancakes. After breakfast I played with toys and cuddled with mommy on the big chair while watching cartoons. Soon (too soon) it was time to get ready to go. I was excited because Mommy promised we could go get ice cream before I went back to the airplane. After packing up my suitcase and putting me into a fresh diaper and my big boy clothes, she buckled me into the back seat of the car and we headed to get ice cream. When we got there daddy parked the car and mommy got the diaper bag and took my hand and led me into the place. There was lots of flavors and I asked mommy if I could try another flavor before choosing one. Both me and mommy got birthday cake ice cream (maybe ‘cause our birthday’s were coming up soon!) I don’t remember what daddy got.

After the ice cream place mommy and daddy took me to the airport. I was very sad to leave and hugged mommy and daddy lots before they left. Mommy made me some cookies and cut up some apples for my plane ride home. She told me I could have two cookies on the plane if I ate all my apples. Luckily I remembered to give mommy and daddy each the present that I brought for them.

This was the best, most super-duper awesome time I have ever I had. I miss mommy and daddy so much. They are genuine, wonderful, loving, with great big hearts. I am happy that I got to meet them and can’t wait to be able to visit again.

At Mommy Kat’s for the Weekend

I have to write right away ‘cause I'm gobsmacked, flamboozled, my mind has been boggled and my heart is as warm and soggy as the triple diaper mommy sent me home in. I've just returned from visiting Mommy Kat and it was so amazing I can’t even believe it –and I was there. You might think that I'm just an over excitable little baby (and i am). . . but read on and you too will realize how amazing my last weekend was. My two days with mommy and daddy were so packed with fun you wouldn't believe it if I told you (but I am going to tell you so believe it!)

I arrived on Saturday afternoon and mommy & daddy picked me up and carefully buckled little me in the back seat. Mommy had the diaper bag as always and had water in a sippy and little snacks all ready for her little baby who traveled so far. Mommy knew that I had to get up real early and didn't sleep much so we had to get back to the nursery to get a diaper change and some lunch before a nap. I get tired easily and need lots of naps but mommy always has so many fun things to do its hard to get naps fit in.

Anyways as soon as we were home mommy got me out of my big boy clothes and changed my diaper. She then showed me some new baby clothes she got just for me! She put me in a baby blue onesie with a little tractor on it and put me in the highchair. Mommy spoon fed me some mashed veggies and cut up a grilled cheese sandwiches into little squares and some yummy pineapple. At the same time she let me watch Alladin while we were eating. After cleaning off my very messy face and hands from lunch it was naptime and a very tired l’il one was put down in his crib with a bottle. I don't know how long I slept but soon mommy was waking me up and told me it was playtime.

I made a castle wall and a volcano from blocks and played with some other baby toys. After playing mommy said she had two more surprises for me that night but first we’d have dinner and then I’d hafta get some big boy clothes on. She put a BIG bib on me cause she told me we were having chili dogs and she knew I would get really messy. She was right! The chili dogs were nummy and were all over my face, bib, and tray before I was done. After I was done and cleaned up mommy daddy and baby me were soon off again in the car. First we had to pick up mommy's doggie squishy chocolate from doggie daycare. Then we drove to a big mall with lots of people. Mommy was holding my hand so I wouldn't get scared. Soon we got to the place we were going --Build a Bear!-- although the mall was busy there wasn't anyone but us in the Build-a-bear store.

The lady came to help us and mommy told her I was getting a bear. I'll have to admit I was pretty nervous. I had been out as a baby before but never in such a busy noisy public place and where I had to interact with anyone. There were so many bears to choose from and I didn't know what to do. Mommy helped me choose a bear that I liked that had nice paws. Then we went to the filling machine and the lady told me that I could pick out a heart for him and put it in before she filled it. Then she asked the name of the person who it was for and i said kevin. Then she asked if I wanted him soft or medium or full. I said medium and she said I could help her by pushing the filling pedal.

The lady was really nice and even though I think she knew the bear was for me she treated me really nice. I learned right there that lots of people are ok with you being little . . . even if you are really big but only feel little inside. I just wish I was more relaxed there ‘cause it is really fun.

After the bear was full the lady said I could name it on the computers and then they would have a birth certificate for when I left. After the filling place I went to the bear bathtub which had little footpedals that had air come out of faucets and there was little brushes that you could pretend to wash your bear. I washed my bear then mommy said we could pick out some clothes for him. There was lots and lots of choices again and I tried some on. Mommy said maybe I had a girl bear and we tried some dresses and skirts on but I don't know much about girls and I wanted some boy clothes. I picked a blue shirt and brown pants set for him. Then mommy said it was time to name him at the computer. I picked out his name Melvin and then we were all done. We went to pay for him and got a box and a birth certificate. I was so happy and really love my new bear. I slept with him in the crib every night (and still do!).

Well you'd think that that would be enough excitement for one night but mommy and daddy were just getting started. Soon we were back in the car going to . . . the ice cream place! Mommy and daddy know the best ice cream place in the world. We parked in the street and mommy made sure she was holding my hand when we walked across the street. Mommy always makes sure that babies don't walk on the street without holding a big person’s hand (more on that later). Anyways daddy had squishy outside and mommy brought me in to the ice cream place. It was very busy but the lady behind the counter smiled at us and asked mommy if she was bringing someone new. I think mommy brings lots of babies to this place (did I mention that mommy has been carrying a diaper bag the whole time . . . a really cute baby blue one with a giraffe!) anyways they had my favorite flavor (birthday cake!) although I asked the lady for tastes of two other ones to make sure.

Mommy ordered a children’s size for me and her and a bigger one for daddy. When they came she gave me mine and then gave me another one and told me to be careful and bring it outside to daddy! (I think the ladies at the ice cream place may suspect something . . . why is that girl with the diaper bag always bringing shy polite guys here who have suspiciously puffy pants?)

After we ate our ice cream and we we're off again. It was getting late but mommy had one more surprise, we were going to the park! Daddy had to exercise squishy and also we could fly a kite and play on the playground. Well there wasn't much breeze so the kite didn't really fly but I played on the playground. Mommy pushed me on the swing and I played on the jungle gym. My favoritest is the slides but this playground had really little slides. Anyways we had fun until some noisy teenagers came and started playing on the playground too. Don't they know that playgrounds are just for little kids!

I was one tired baby when we finally got home and still hadn't had my bath yet. Mommy ran the bath and had some new fun things that turned the water colors. I splish-splashed in the tub and played with the duckies while mommy washed me all over with a washcloth with a little monkey on it (which is really funny since she calls me little monkey :) She also washed my hair with baby shampoo and made sure that she rinsed it off with a cup making sure that no soap got in my eyes. (that feels really nice) after she toweled me off and sent me scurrying to the nursery for a huge night diaper and onesie. Then she gave me a bottle of formula and read me two stories (pooh and love you this much). i don't think there was a happier baby in the whole world.

How, you ask, can the next day be any better than the short day that an ecstatically happy baby just had? Read on . . . it gets more amazing.

The next day mommy was smiling through the bars of the crib as I woke. "Time to get up little monkey" she said as she felt a very soggy diaper. "Let's get you changed and ready for the day!" She got out a cloth diaper and some plastic pants with bears on it that I had brought with me and changed me on the crib. They were very thick and I had a bit of trouble walking around but felt really nice. Mommy was real pretty with her hair tied back in a simple little pony tail like a busy mother. After I was up she told me to brush my teeth in the bathroom. She squeezed a little toothpaste on my brush for me and told me to brush brush. Then it was down and into the highchair for breakfast which was baby cereal (which was a little cold, mommy has to learn that for babies, nothing should be cold, always warm or at a minimum room temperature, especially formula) then some eggs and number tater tots and some pineapple. While having breakfast I got to watch more of the Aladdin movie.

After breakfast mommy turned off the TV and said that it was time to play some games with mommy and daddy. She called daddy in to play and set up a really fun game called the balloon game. It had lots of activities including a little fishing pond and a thing where you shoot froggies into a pond. Mommy won some times and I won some times. Daddy would have won but mommy kept “helping” him so he wouldn’t score too much. After that we played chutes and ladders which was really fun too. I won one time and mommy won two times. And we also played another game where you put together a bug and the first one to put it together wins. I won that game one time too!

After more playing in the nursery, before I knew it it was lunch time again. Mommy put me in the high chair and mommy made me some bloody bugs (it was spaghetti with bug noodles). She told me her and daddy had to go somewhere during my nap and she was having someone come to watch me while they were gone. She told me I had to be a really good boy for the babysitter and go nice into the crib for my nap. While I was in the middle of a very messy lunch I heard someone knock on the door and mommy brought down a lady to take care of me. She told me her name was auntie saskia or I could call her auntie sausage. I thought that was funny. I waved bye-bye to daddy and mommy and soon it was just me and auntie. She was really nice and helped me eat my bugs and asked me how I liked the kitties. After I was done she cleaned me up and told me she was going to read me some stories before she put me down for my nap.

We snuggled on the couch and she read me a book about a little penguin that wanted to be sparkly. Auntie was a great story reader and she did lots of funny voices. I was already yawning a lot after that story and she took me by the hand and led me up to the crib in the nursery and said she would read me two more books. She checked my diaper and decided that she better change me before my nap and put me in a new diaper. She used lots of baby powder. After the diaper change she got my bottle and put me in the crib. She wanted to find a book about a pigeon but she couldn’t find it so she read me a book about bedtime and one other one. I was soon fast asleep.

When I woke up mommy was back! She asked me if I had a good time with auntie s and I said yes. She told me that I needed to get up because we had lots of fun stuff to do, including going to the zoo! I was really excited about getting to go to the zoo with mommy and daddy. Yay! First she said we needed to get me in a dry diaper and new onesie. Mommy put me in another diaper that had some stuffers in it and was pretty thick so it would last through the zoo (the diapers kept getting thicker all through my whole time at mommy’s).

She said first she was going to make some brownies for later and said I could help her if I was good. We went in to the kitchen and mommy got out a big mixing bowl. She got some brownie stuff and started to pour it in the bowl but I wanted to do it so she let me put it in. Then she measured out some water and dumped that in. She gave me a big spoon and told me I could stir the batter. Then she got an egg out and cracked it and put it in the brownies. I said I wanted to put an egg in but she said there was only one and I was too little to do that anyways. She then put some oil in and I wanted to do that too but she said I had to keep stirring. Soon it was all mixed up and she put it in pan and then in the oven. I made sure I tasted some and might have gotten some on my face.

She told me that she had to take a quick shower so brought me into the bathroom so she could watch me and had me play on the floor while she got cleaned up. I felt really happy that mommy was taking such good care of me. Soon we were back in the nursery and mommy put my big clothes on over my onesie, It was some shorts and a blue t-shirt. My big diaper was still pretty puffy and I hoped no one would notice it too much. Mommy dug in the closet and got out a big stroller and set it against the crib and went back in and got out some more diaper liners and put them on the changing table. I was thinking that the big stroller can’t be for me . . . can it? I guess she just needed to move the stroller to get at the liners. Soon she told me to play while she and daddy got everything ready.

I was playing and mommy called me and told me it was time to get the baby in the car. As I got in I saw to my surprise that the big stroller was loaded in to the back of the car. Uh oh . . . maybe mommy and daddy were thinking about using the stroller at the zoo!?! I was a little nervous about that but thought that since I’m a pretty big baby there’s no way they can push me in the stroller all around the zoo. Maybe they’re bringing it just to make it seem more real. In any case if they could use it I’m sure they’ll ask me when we get there if I want to walk at the zoo or be pushed in the stroller. I knew I would say I wanted to walk ‘cause it would be pretty crazy to be in a stroller all afternoon at the zoo.

Well mommy gave me a sippy cup for the drive to the zoo and I was pretty excited about getting to see the animals. We parked in the parking lot pretty near the entrance to the zoo. It was late afternoon on a very nice warm sunny day and there were tons of people there. Lots of kids and everybody seemed to have a little wagon or stroller with their babies there. Mommy unbuckled me and told helped me out, saying leave the sippy cup in the car. It was all happening so fast, by the time I got to the back of the car daddy had the stroller and the diaper bag out. He went ahead a bit to get the stroller on the sidewalk while mommy took the diaper bag and took my hand and we started toward the entrance. I nervously asked if the stroller was for me, and she gave me a little look and said of course it’s for you there’s no other baby here.

Uh oh again . . . wasn’t anyone going to ask me if I wanted to be in the stroller! Meanwhile daddy had the stroller up on the sidewalk waiting for us to get there. I was thinking that I don’t know if this is going to work, I am a pretty big baby, well over 200 pounds and I don’t know if even daddy would be able to push me around all day in that stroller. But mommy told me to sit in the seat and so I did and daddy buckled the straps (which was a bit tight over my big diaper). A huge line of people with strollers was coming out of the zoo and we were kind of blocking the sidewalk while I was buckled in. They patiently waited and smiled while I tried not to look at anyone . . . I’m really glad I reminded mommy to bring my cap because I really needed it to hide under! Soon daddy pushed us up to the ticket booth and waited off to the side while mommy bought a ticket.

I was in a bit of a state of shock. A few feet over was another stroller with a baby of about 2 in it looking at me curiously drinking out of a sippy cup. His daddy was waiting for his mommy to come out of the bathroom and then the daddy looked at me. I tried to hide under my hat. Soon mommy was done buying the tickets and we went to the ticket takers. I kept trying to be as quiet as possible so nobody would notice me as I sat in a stroller being pushed into the ZOO! Everyone was real nice and told us to have a nice visit.

After we got in mommy asked me what I wanted to see and I said the lions. The lions were real near the entrance and daddy pushed me to the lion cage. Mommy said, “Oh look at the lions honey. I think that one’s sleeping.” We continued past the lions and on looked at tons of other animals. There were still a lot of people in the zoo and seemingly everyone had a stroller. Daddy carefully maneuvered me in amongst all the other strollers so I could get a good view of each animal. I found myself at eye level smiling at tons of other babies thinking to myself, I’ve been so jealous of you babies being pushed around by your mommies and daddies, drinking from your bottles whenever you’re thirsty, being fed teddy bear crackers and goldfish whenever you’re hungry, now I’m here, in my very own stroller, slowly wetting a very thick diaper, not having to worry about anything either. Mommy would occasionally hand me a little baggie with cheerios, or goldfish or teddy bear cookies in them. When I was thirsty, mommy would give me a water bottle telling me to be careful with it.

It was so fantastic, I was IN HEAVEN! I can’t describe how excited and happy and loved and little I felt. Soon I relaxed and really started to enjoy myself. We’d come to a new animal every few minutes and daddy did an amazing job of driving the stroller, making sure I could see everything. When we got to the very back of the zoo, we stopped for a rest and mommy and daddy sat on a bench with me in the stroller in front of them. Mommy got out an orange and peeled it and gave daddy and me some orange slices along with my teddy bear crackers. It felt so wonderful. Soon we were on our way again and as we seemed to be moving along at the same pace as another family. As we looked at some funny pigs, a little girl of about four asked her mommy why there was a man in a stroller. I didn’t hear what her mommy’s answer but I was thinking that what she should have said is that although he looks big, he really is just a little baby and all little babies are in strollers.

We went on to see so many more animals I can’t name them all. We saw the giraffes in the giraffe house which was exciting because they were really close and there was a baby giraffe a couple of weeks old. It was jammed with people too. Finally we saw it all (except the turtles, frogs, and snakes, mommy didn’t want to see those) and we headed for the exit. Mommy went to the potty as daddy waited with me in the stroller watching everyone come out. Soon we were back at the car and my amazing day at the zoo was over. It made me feel so little and wonderful. I love mommy and daddy so much.

After the zoo we got to go to McDonalds for a happy meal. I got mine with chicken nuggets and got a car. It was good but I was hoping for a playplace but there wasn’t one at this McDonalds. After we got back home mommy changed my diaper and let me play for a while. She also gave me some of the brownies we made earlier with some ice cream on top. After playing for a while mommy said it was time to go to the park. Since we were walking to the park mommy took my hand because we were crossing the street. It was a bit hard to walk fast since my diaper was so thick and I dawdled a bit. Mommy and Squishy wanted to go faster so I tried my hardest. After a while we were on a street with no sidewalk and mommy told daddy to take my hand because babies can’t walk in the street unless they are holding someone’s hand. At first I thought nothing of it ‘cause babies do need to hold someone’s had in the street. But as we went on I thought about how to other people I look big, so it would look like two big boys were holding hands and two big boys don’t hold hands! Babies shouldn’t be thinking about these things but it did make me a little nervous. Soon we were at the park though. I was hoping that no one would be on the playground but there were some men playing Frisbee and some teenagers there using the part of the playground to practice volleyball. Someone’s has to tell the teenagers that the playgrounds are for little kids! Anyways I went on the swings and mommy pushed me for a while and daddy played with Squishy. It was fun but soon it was time to walk back home.

When we got home, mommy asked me what color I wanted my bath tonight. I said blue and she started to fill up the tub. She then undressed me and took my soggy diaper off and I hopped in the tub. I love to play in the bathtub and mommy let me play in there for a while with the duckies. Also several of the kitties and squishy was also in the bathroom while I was in the tub, everyone wanted to see the baby in the bathtub! After a while mommy asked me if I wanted the washcloth with the monkey or the one with the lion or the one with the giraffe. I said monkey! and mommy used that one to wash me all over. And last she washed my hair with baby shampoo. After she dried me off with a big towel I ran into the nursery to play.

Mommy didn’t let me play very long (prolly ‘cause I was naked). She put some baby oil on me to keep my skin from getting dry and then told me to hop on the changing table so she could put me in a thick night diaper. She dressed me in my purple sleeper (which I knew mommy would like ‘cause she likes purple; sometimes she’s a purple princess!). She then put me in the crib and said she would get my bottle and read me some stories. She came back with a bottle of warm formula and read me one long story from the big story book and one short story. Then she hugged me goodnight. It surely was a wonderful happy day.

The next morning mommy woke me with a big smile and said, “Good morning baby, you slept for a long time!” She changed my diaper on the crib and dressed me in a onesie for the morning and led me down to the highchair so she could feed me breakfast. Daddy went to work so it was just me and mommy that morning. She put a little bib on me and set some chocolate chip pancakes and a sippy cup with some milk in it on the tray. The pancakes were yummy and I watched some of the Pocahontas movie while I was eating. Mommy also fed me some peach babyfood which was really nummy too. After she wiped off my hands and face she let me play in the nursery for a while before she said it was time to play some games.

Mommy taught me how to play a game where we had to pick a card with a Disney character on it. Then the other person asked questions like is it a girl or a boy until they could guess what character was on the card. We had fun playing the game and during the game I had to blow my nose and mommy asked me if I was feeling well. She then told me that she had come down with a cold the day I got there and was taking medicine the whole time so as not to ruin it for me. I felt really sorry that mommy was sick and . . . also . . . relieved.

I noticed a few times that mommy wasn’t really herself over the weekend, like at the zoo she seemed real tired, quieter than usual, and lagged behind daddy and I sometimes. Also she didn’t hug and cuddle nearly as much as she had on my last visit. I was afraid she was either ill with a bad disease or that she didn’t like me anymore (we had had a little misunderstanding also leading up to the visit) and wouldn’t want me to visit anymore. I was trying to be on my very very best behavior the whole time so she would still like me. Now I knew that the reason she was a little tired was just a cold and prolly the reason she felt a bit distant was that she was sick and didn’t want me to catch a cold too. It made me feel better.

After the games mommy said it was time to take Squishy to the doggie park. She put some big boy clothes on me and then loaded me and Squishy into the back seat of her car for the short trip. Once we were there she took me by the hand and had me hold Squishy on the leash before we walked in to the fenced area where all the other doggies were. Squishy ran around a lot and found an old tennis ball that he likes and mommy used a ball thrower thing to pick up the ball and throw it for Squishy. I played with Squishy too and threw the ball sometimes.

After the doggie park it was almost time for lunch so it was back in the highchair for me. Daddy forgot to leave something for mommy so he had to come back and was there too. After lunch mommy changed me into a really thick diaper (which I love) so it would last me all the way back on the airplane. She then helped me pack up all my stuff and, sadly, said it was time to go. I asked mommy to read a few of my story books to me before we left so I could record them. She read three of them to me right before we left for the airport.

The trip to the airport was quick and soon I was hugging mommy and daddy goodbye at the airport. I really do not like goodbyes. Although calm on the outside, I was feeling a jumble of emotions on the inside: happiness, love, gratefulness for the time I had; fear and sadness at having to leave.

The weekend was the most amazing experience I have ever had. Mommy and daddy put so much love and care into every detail. I miss mommy and daddy every day. If every baby had the opportunity to have a mommy as great as Kat, the world would be a much happier place. I know her house is the happiest place on earth for me and I can’t wait till she lets me visit again.

Most people believe that heaven is a place where you go when you die. But I know better because recently I've been to heaven, and it's located right here in Denver. It's at Mommy Kat's nursery.

I had such a good time during my visit with Mommy Kat. The love and understanding and the ability to be who I am, to not be judged, was like nothing I've ever expereienced before.

I could go on about the activity we did during my stay, like going to the park to play on the playgournd while in diapers or having mommy and daddy feed me my dinner while I watched a Disney movie.

Or the great time I had taking a bath in purple water. And how Mommy Kat and daddy took me to build a bear and let me pick out my very own bear and there weren't even the least bit embarrassed when I picked out out a pink bear, and how Mommy helped me pick out just the right outfit for Shellybear. And the trip to Victoria's Secret to by panties and stockings was so much fun also.

But all that pales in comparison to the love I felt during my stay. After first arriving I explained to Mommy Kat that I had gotten no sleep the night before because I was sure that something was going to come up and that my visit was going to be canceled. Mommy Kat had me come close to her and told me that she and daddy loved me and that this was going to happen and that I was going to have a good time. It wasn't the words she said but the way she said them that made me feel like she truly meant what she said.

dear Mommy/Daddy

it was magical. it went right to my soul. in addition to the overall experience, i had moments that were surreal, fantasy blending seamlessly with reality, deep longings being caressed. that moment friday morning when Mommy walked into my room as a lay in my crib -- oh my god was i her baby then. i've never felt such intense love and thrill at seeing someone. i so wanted her to pick me up and cuddle me, to change me into a warm, dry diaper, and to feed me breakfast. simultaneously, i was yearning to my depths for her to dominate me however she wanted, to delight in me, to break away all shields and just behold and control the naked me. what made the yearnings magical wasn't just their intensity and focus on Mommy but the security that i *was* going to be loved, that my needs *were* going to be met, that Mommy *was* going to be stripping away my disguises and controlling me. all intensely felt as she glided towards me with her good morning smile.

other magical moments occurred during the party. often around "summonings". when Miss Bailey summoned me across her lap for a simple spanking, the knowledge that i had to go because Mommy had told me i had to made me weak in the knees. I loved the moments during the party when i seemed to detect Mommy being proud of me. then there was watching Mommy having such fun with her friends -- it didn't even involve me, but i was there to watch her face glow, and could tell myself that if i hadn't come she might not have experienced that.

some of the most magical moments occurred even when Mommy wasn't "playing" but was just being her naturally directive self. "put on your shoes billy", "hop up here", "i want you in the back seat" "you're not listening to me". these struck deeply because they had the ring of "ordinariness" in them -- this is how life would be with Mommy on an ongoing basis, when it wasn't only play, play, play. it conveyed that, even when we're not 'playing' "you still belong to me, i direct you, you obey me." i even got these pleasureful jolts when you spoke similarly to loni or even Daddy! because they *weren't* there as a 'client', somebody you were just playing with for a couple of days - again, this was Mommy being purely herself, not playing a fantasy role. similarly, Mommy's evident love for and caring for baby loni even when he wasn't around drove home how real this was - not just play. experiencing that reality, versus fantasy come to life for the moment, was powerful. while all the play is extremely fun and nurturing, what i truly need most in life is Mommy mommying the regular me. Mommy seeing who i really am, the integration of baby, academic administrator, sexual being, sub, psychological mess, world traveler -- and mommying that real-life being just like i saw her doing with loni. nurturing the good, disciplining the bad, meeting basic needs, healing wounds, and filling souls with her love.

turning from the magical to just plain fun or particularly meaningful:

  • Daddy getting caned - i can't even tell you why that was so fun, but it was! in part maybe cuz Daddy was being silly and that made the kid in me laugh.
  • playing with my food
  • interacting with my older brother, loni (i know he was referred to as uncle, but i couldn't help but think of him as my somewhat older still-diaper-wearing brother, who at times would play with me or help take care of me and at times would try to get me in trouble.
  • ice cream!!
  • wearing my diapers out in public and being treated as unable to make my own ice cream purchase or to get an adult size, unable to meet the eyes of people in the ice cream store or in the airport for fear i'd see disbelief or disapproval in them.
  • the freedom of having to pee and just being able to relax and let go. it conveyed "you can be who you are".
  • the whole drama of me drinking bottle after bottle of water and being so embarrassed that i still was physically unable to pee in front of everyone, especially after having to first draw their attention to my need to pee.
  • Mommy and Daddy being able to instantly tell when i had peed my diapers when i thought there were no tell-tale signs
  • Mommy's love of Thor
  • first walking into the nursery - it was so much more a fantasy wonderland than i had gotten from the few videos i had seen (you might want to edit into your nursery tour video a moving shot of coming into the nursery and moving about it rather than just the various 'still' shots, to give an overall sense of its glory.)
  • Miss Bailey's smile - god, it's warm and inviting
  • being read to
  • omg - yes - that first moment when Mommy put me in the back seat and put my seat belt on. it was not only soooo Mommy-esque but soooooo Domme'esque because what Mommy was wearing allowed me to plainly gaze on those breasts that so drive me crazy with lust -- a huge tease and a seeming message right at the beginning that there weren't going to be many boundaries to what was going to happen to me.
  • my binky clipped to my onesie -- i sucked that baby all night long and it brought an embarrassing amount of comfort as i worried about my marks and yearned for Mommy much of the night.
  • being tied to my crib -- i never would have gotten out of the crib, but i loved that i didn't have the choice. it was in part a dominating thing, but even more it made me feel like the real baby i am since real babies can't (usually) get out of their crib. (in fact that made me ponder other ways adult babies need to be treated differently than biologically young babies in order to really put them in the same situation. maybe playing challenging (but G-rated) video games sometimes would more genuinely invoke the sense of playing with toys that challenge a biological baby.)
  • anytime Mommy lovingly caressed me or hugged me.
  • everyone else being told what would happen to me - except me!
i guess i have to stop sometime or you'll never read this whole thing.

other things i'm thankful for:

  • all the planning and preparation for my visit
  • the drives from and to the airport
  • all the clean-up
  • all the meals
  • my ice cream!
  • my calendar!
  • all the diapers i used up!
  • all your wonderful friends taking the time to fulfill my fantasy
  • focusing on my needs even when your body could have used some rest and pampering
  • Daddy coming home from work early
  • Loni helping to prepare for my visit, take care of things while i was there, and be my fun brother/uncle.
  • the offer to bring any problems to Mommy

and the part i'm most reluctant to focus on - what i would wish different next time:

  • diaper changes were pretty dang efficient! i wondered whether because Mommy has been through so many of them if she fully realizes what a wonderful rare treat they are for most of us and how we don't want them to zoom by too quickly. having the used diaper taken off while standing up, barely wiping the skin clean, having the fresh diaper already prepared rather than retrieving it and preparing it while the baby is lying there exposed, is exactly what a practical mommy would do with a baby, but it makes the special moment go by pretty fast.
  • any time i wasn't with Mommy or Daddy because they were busy preparing something, like meals. it made me realize, that at least when i only with them for a short time, i treasure the time with Mommy and Daddy more than i treasure the genuine baby experience with its absences from Mommy and Daddy like i would have to experience on an ongoing basis. so, for example, while the food was wonderful, i'd rather just eat jarred baby food or other simple foods if it meant more time with Mommy.
  • even fewer choices/decisions. no choice of foods, no choice of ice cream flavor, no choice whether i get treated as a boy or girl (not sure i ever had that choice though), no choice of book or video (which i didn't have sometimes), etc. while i know that babies *are* given such choices in life -- and it's even good for their development to be given choices -- more powerful for me right now is the need for Mommy to dictate my life.
the most critical feedback: thank you for an amazing experience and for loving me like nobody else can love me. god bless you for your lives, souls, and mission. i belong to you Mommy and Daddy. i love you.

p.s. even after only a few days Mommy and Daddy have become the people *by far* i trust most in life -- you already know the real me better than anyone and the people i feel safest entrusting the real me with -- you thus have my permission to do anything with me or about me that you think is not harmful to me - including telling others what you want to about me and referring to me by whatever name you want on the website. i don't even like having to "give permission" - i want to be your baby and your sub, and after the initial permission granting, i feel uncomfortable giving permission for specific things.

I am a very damaged person due to tragic events in my life and sometimes I just want someone to talk to. Mommy Kat had me lie in the crib and placed my head on her chest and we talked for hours about my life and where I was mentally. She never judged me or seemed shocked by what I told her, her understanding made me feel like everything wsa going to be all right in the world and my life.

It's really nice to find a place where I fit in. A problem I had my entire life because of the way I felt about both being little and a sissy but also bisexual. Never in my talking with Mommy or Daddy did I ever feel like I was anything but normal. The love and compassion that they showed me made my stay very enjoyable.

I plan on visiting Mommy Kat and Daddy again, because only there can I truly be the person I am: a sissy little girl who's favorite color is pink. Sometimes I cry and can't stop and it's really nice to just have someone hold you and tell you to let it all out and not thik you're weak because you are a grown man and they don't cry.

As the miles passed as they drove home, I started to get more depressed because I knew that my time with them was quickly coming to an end and that I would have to return to my regular life which doesn't hold much happiness for me.

When we got to my house mommy gave me a big hug and kiss and told me to be a good little girl and then she climbed in her car and they drove off. I took about one step towards my front door then dropped everything and ran down the street and watchend them until they were out of sight. Tears of loneliness running down my face as the only two people who understand me disappeared from my sight.

The memories of my stay will last me a lifetime. It was the best vacation a person could ever have. Mommy Kat made me promise to come over later in the week to just hang out before she left. She made it clear to me that I was part of her family now and that she and Daddy loved me and would like to spend more time with me.

So now I look forward to seeing them again, as a member of the family, I love the fact that they accept me for me and that to them I'm normal even if the rest of the world would think I was some kind of freak. It's nice to be loved for who you are. Mommy Kat's nursery is truly a house of Love.